I Need to Calm Down

Because broken English is hilarious!

Posted by Vox on 3 November 2007

Via DRS.

All those folks on the College Racism Roundup are gonna have no trouble finding a job despite their pasts. They can just go work for Canada’s National Post!

In honor of the Dalai Lama’s visit with George W. Bush and the Chinese government’s subsequent anger, the National Post decided to publish a mock diary:

MONDAY
Big surprise. China angry. Very very outrage. Same old, same old. How many time I make tour America? How many time I shake hands Bill Clinton, George Bush, Richard Gere? Every time, Beijing, “This seriously damage relations with China. Dalai Lama is serpent head. Dalai Lama is cat’s paw.” Sound silly, my opinion. What is “cat’s paw” anyway? Chinese people sometime speak so bad English.
TUESDAY
In Canada now. Canadians love Dalai Lama. More fun Catholic priest or Anglican vicar, I guess. Thousands come hear me talk. Afterwards, woman brings little daughter to me, asks me to bless her. Best part of Dalai Lama job, just warms heart. I kneel in front of the girl and said, “You are the enlightened one, I am the child.” I thought that was nice, but poor thing look terrified, say: “Mommy, Yoda’s mad at me.” Must remember, no mystic stuff around the kiddies. [Full story]

Don’t worry, there’s plenty more where that came from.

So you see, all those racist college students will have a great future as journalists (or writers for a re-imagined version of “King of the Hill”). They’ve even brushed up on their apologizing skills already! They can rattle off the talking points (political correctness, POCs have no humor, just a joke, didn’t mean to offend, didn’t think anyone would be angry, etc.) faster than you can whistle, and be right back writing offensive bullshit within the hour.

2 Responses to “Because broken English is hilarious!”

  1. Magniloquence Says:

    Ewwww. That’s… just sad.

  2. More opportunities for racist college students « Vox ex Machina Says:

    [...] Because broken English is hilarious! [...]

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